Arguments happen in any relationship. Each individual is unique, and therefore, opinions differ. However, the passive-aggressive conversation can often fall into toxic relationships.
Why do we make sneaky, sarcastic comments when we could just as easily say what we actually feel? According to experts, our upbringing says a lot about how we act, speak in our relationships. If one of our parents is always scolding the other, we could involuntarily act like them with our partner.
Parents leave their “marks” on their kids. Therefore it is normal to develop similar relationships styles to our parents. We often realize that some habits are bad or even toxic. However, change is very difficult.
According to a relationship psychotherapist, we learn from what we see, not from what we hear. Thinking about this statement, it makes sense. It doesn’t matter if my dad tells me not to speak a certain way if thats how he speaks all the time. His behavior doesn’t match the standards he set up for me. Therefore, it is hard not to speak or act like him since thats what I’m used to seeing.
It works the same for relationships. It is difficult not to follow what we see in our parent’s relationship. They taught us how to speak, with what accent, how to eat, etc. Of course, we are going to copy some of their relationship habits as well.
Communication is the key in any relationship. How are your parents communicating? If they struggle in this department, you will more than likely struggle as well. Poor communication is the most common habit we develop. This leads to many arguments, misunderstandings, and even breakups, divorces.
Our parent’s behavior programs us in our future relationships. However, taking a good look at our parent’s relationship can also help us realize which behavior we need to work on. Our behavior influences our speech too.
Both partners bring luggage in the relationship: different upbringing, different relationship styles. However, the answer to this challenging balance is making compromises. Not an easy thing to do when your beliefs and behaviors are deeply ingrained; however, it is not impossible.
Just as we pick the bad habits from our parents, we can pick the good ones too. Therefore realizing the good habits will help you focus on the positive side. Undoing the bad habits might be very difficult, but not impossible. You need to be aware of both sides so you can work on yourself.
Breaking the cycle is definitely a challenge. However, this doesn’t mean you need to question your parents about the bad habits you developed from them. Remember, we learn from what we see. Instead, try to make an example out of your relationship. Relearning how to behave and speak is not an easy road, but it is worth it.